I have spent more than my fair share of time in the ivory tower of academia, studying the various philosophies, theologies, and literature from around the globe that had been written throughout the ages of humankind. The ivory tower also provided ample opportunities to listen to my fellow arm-chair philosophers theorize about what constitutes right and wrong. It was not a waste of time as I did learn to develop and sharpen my critical thinking skills and increase my awareness of different schools of thought, beliefs, biases, and prejudices that had shaped the wide variety of cultures around the world. Perhaps the most important thing I learned is we can make a sound argument or rationalization for just about anything, especially from a comfortable and safe distance away from the realities of life outside the ivory tower.
Since the day I left the ivory tower, I have experienced many moral dilemmas, for which my academic research had in some ways prepared me but in other ways had not. It had prepared me to appreciate the ambiguity of such dilemmas and to approach them with critical and analytical thought, including the recognition of my own biases, but it had not prepared me for the anguish I would suffer in making a decision and taking a stand that could harm myself, my family, or someone else. Never did I want to harm anyone, especially my family, so how to make the right decision with the least amount of risk of causing harm has cost me a great deal of sleep over the years. It has also cost me significant financial loss. I just thank God I have never been in a position when the sacrifices I have had to make to do the right thing did not entail the loss of life, as it has for many people throughout the centuries everywhere in the world.
Morality is not a Pollyanna subject. Deciding right from wrong can be a matter of life and death. Therefore, moral courage is a subject worthy of considerable thought. Moral courage entails acting in accordance with what you believe to be the right thing to do regardless of the risk to your own or someone else’s wellbeing. The risk might be emotional or physical or both. It might simply entail losing approval from your employer, your friends, or your family, or it might entail hostile physical confrontations, even murder, by those who oppose your view. One of the wisest statements ever made to me was, “You know you are a great leader when you have both friends and enemies, which means you are not afraid to take a stand.” This is true because we cannot please everyone all the time, if ever, and we will achieve nothing if we try. Of course, if your goal is to be a spectator or tourist in life and never participate in life with others, then I suppose you could achieve this goal, that is, if you are lucky enough to avoid those who would drag you against your will into the fray of the human condition and the infinite number of dramatic conflicts. To avoid being caught up in a moral dilemma for your entire life, you would have to be willing and able to remain emotionally disconnected from all others, which would mean the sacrifice of the companionship of friends or an intimate partner. You would also need a source of income that would allow you to survive without interacting with others.
You don’t even have to be a leader to be caught in the web of a moral dilemma, but in making the decision to act on moral courage, you are setting an example of someone who has integrity, even when others do not. Some may follow your example; others may not, but the point is not to become a leader to anyone but yourself. You have only yourself with whom you must live. Everyone else is an option. To live happily with yourself requires a degree of self-respect and self-esteem, without which, you would find yourself incompatible with yourself, your only mandatory roommate. Most of us know what it is like to live with someone we do not like and how miserable that situation can be, and many of us know what it is like to feel the pain of guilt and shame for not living up to our own moral standards, even when we have only failed to stand up for ourselves.
When we fail to act with integrity, that is, in alignment with our moral standards, we are hypocrites, both in the eyes of others and in our own eyes. We can confront this malalignment, own our mistake, and find a way to make amends and better choices in the future, or we can attempt to justify our actions through artful rationalizations, perhaps even blaming others for what we have done. Choosing the former can help us to advance our personal and spiritual growth, including learning how to forgive and to be forgiven. Choosing the latter entails deception. To persuade ourselves we have done no wrong requires lying to ourselves and others. If we lie enough, we might actually convince ourselves even if we fail to convince others. This deception leads to more deception, and all deception results in a painful disconnect from our authentic selves, and some would say, even our souls. Whatever divine light we might have had within ourselves dwindles until it is finally snuffed out by lies.
When we choose to give credence to our own lies, we are prone to believing in lies from others as well, especially if their lies reinforce our own. In fact, we have an endless need for lies to sustain our false sense of self because somewhere in the remote parts of our brains, like archived files in a computer database, there is the memory of the shame we experienced when we chose to act against our morals or ideals, and we have to work pretty hard to keep that memory suppressed and hidden from our conscious minds.
I do not stand in judgement of those who lack moral courage, especially when acting upon one’s moral principles can cause a great deal of sacrifice and pain. I know the anguish of having to confront moral dilemmas in which there seems to be no good option because resolving the dilemma will likely entail risking someone’s happiness or wellbeing to some degree, which is why I often advise people to be careful in choosing their battles. Some are not worth fighting, but the ones that are, God help us all, whether the battle is emotional or physical. On the other hand, I hope I will never know the pain of acting against my moral principles. I would rather live with less money or the loss of approval from friends or family members than to live with skeletons in my closet. I do not like everything about myself. There will always be room for more self-improvement. However, I like myself enough to live happily with myself, and I hope I never have to know the pain of self-hate, which is the required price to pay when we don’t live with integrity.
Living with integrity is a great challenge, but I believe living without it is an even greater challenge. What can be the quality of our lives if we cannot live within our own skins?
Photo Credit: Vince Fleming
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